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The Emotional Highs and Lows of Choosing Your Wedding Party




Let's chat about something that can be both fabulous and fraught: choosing your Wedding Attendants. It's a task that demands a blend of emotion and pragmatism, like picking out a wedding dress that both flatters and allows for epic dance moves but with a lot more gravitas. This applies to any member of your Wedding Party: Best Man, Maid of Honor, Matron of Honor, Person of Honor, Attendant, Honor Attendant, Best Woman, Bridesman, Man of Honor, Best Person, Bridesmaids, Bridesmen, Groomsmen, and Groomswomen.

What does it mean to be in a Wedding Party?


Imagine having your best friend or closest family member not just witnessing your vows but actively helping to make your big day as smooth and joyful as possible. Whether it's your best man, maid of honor, bridesmaid, or groomsman, these are the people who will be your support system, your sounding board, and sometimes, your lifeline during the wedding planning process.

Your Person of Honor, in particular, plays a pivotal role. This person will be right there with you, from the early planning stages to the final dance at your reception. They're the ones who will help you navigate through choices, keep track of details, and even step in to handle any unexpected situations. They are your right hand, confidante, and cheerleader, all rolled into one.

Your attendants, too, bring their own special touch. They help organize pre-wedding events, assist in various tasks, and add to your celebration's overall joy and spirit. They're the ones making sure every guest feels welcome, every detail is in place, and that you, as the bride or groom, can relax and enjoy every moment of your day.


The Financials: Can They Shoulder the Costs?

First up, let’s talk money. Being a part of a wedding party isn’t just an emotional commitment; it’s a financial one, too. From the wedding shower to the bach party and, of course, the attire —this role has a price tag. Make sure the person you're considering can comfortably manage these costs. Be upfront with the financial investment that comes with being an attendant: the attire, wedding events such as the wedding shower, or destination parties. Also, be understanding if a person cannot give you a top-of-the-line gift from your registry when they are budgeting to be beside you on your big day,


The Organization: Are They Up to the Task?

The ideal Person of Honor is not just organized but borderline obsessive about details. We’re talking color-coded spreadsheets and timelines. They’ll need to be in sync with everything happening and yet be flexible enough to roll with the inevitable surprises. The other members of your party will also need to step up to help with all the planning and details.


The Time Commitment: Are They Already Overwhelmed?

You absolutely don't want to add stress to the life of someone who's already juggling too many responsibilities. So make sure your potential attendant isn’t buried under work, school, or other life commitments.


The Vibe: Do They Get You?

This might sound obvious, but your Person of Honor should be someone who understands you down to your core. They should know your likes, dislikes, and what you envision for your big day. They are your sounding board and your sanity check all rolled into one. If they are planning your bach party, they know you want a weekend at a spa, not a rager at your local dive bar.


The Group Dynamics: Are There Rough Patches?

When it comes to wedding party dynamics, being proactive is key. If you're aware of any underlying tensions—say, if your sister and best friend aren't on the best terms—it's wise to address these issues early. A heart-to-heart conversation, whether one-on-one or together, can help clear the air. It's essential to express your affection for both and the importance of their roles in your celebration. If harmony still seems like a tall order, strategically assign tasks to minimize conflict and ensure a smooth collaboration. This approach allows everyone to contribute positively, keeping the focus on your joyous occasion.


What If Someone Is Upset They Weren't Chosen?

Ah, the emotional underbelly of weddings: feelings can get hurt, even when you’re doing your best to be thoughtful. If someone is upset that they weren't chosen to be in your wedding party, first of all—breathe. It's a compliment to you; it means someone wanted to play a significant role in your special day.


Approach the situation with grace and honesty. Invite them for a one-on-one chat—maybe over coffee or a glass of wine—and share your reasons. Perhaps you chose someone closer in distance to help with pre-wedding errands, or maybe you picked someone with more time to dedicate. Whatever your reason, let them know that their role in your life and on your big day is still incredibly important. You could even have a special role in mind for them, like giving a toast or doing a reading during the ceremony.


What If Your First Choice Declines?

Now, what happens if you extend the invite to someone and your top pick politely declines? First off, don't panic, and don't take it personally. People have their reasons, whether it's financial constraints or personal commitments. Thank them for their honesty; it's better to know upfront rather than down the line when tasks and pressures are piling up.


Then, go back to your shortlist and consider your other options. Who else embodies the qualities of your ideal Person of Honor or person in your wedding party? Reach out to them and extend the offer, but also reassure them that they were always high on your list (because, let's face it, no one wants to feel like a second choice).


These scenarios remind us that weddings are about more than just one day; they blend complex relationships and emotions. The most important thing is to handle everything with as much grace, love, and understanding as you can muster. That's the best gift you can give to yourself and to those you love as you approach your big day.


Consider a Wedding Planner

By the way, if you're worried about overburdening your chosen Person of Honor, consider hiring a professional wedding planner to take some of the logistical weight off her shoulders. It can be a win-win for everyone!


Remember: take your time and think about what each candidate brings to the table. You want to be as transparent as possible with your expectations and reasonable in what you ask of your friends and family. Trust me; it’s worth getting right.


Take the "to-do" out of "I do" and bask in every precious moment of your big day with our Day of Coordinators. We're here to shoulder the behind-the-scenes details so your wedding party can dive headfirst into the celebration, carefree and full of joy. Let us handle the day's flow, and you just focus on the love and laughter that's meant to be yours.



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